Spotting Green Flags in a Relationship

Pictured: a rainbow entryway.

Pictured: a rainbow walkway.

Green flags in a relationship are signs that the person you are dating is treating you with respect. The relationship feels safe and consensual. As another definition, green flags are also signs that the person is meeting your expectations for a relationship and you can see a future together. Red flags are generally looked at as signs of abuse or future abuse, or that this is just not a good match. They are to be taken *very* seriously.

While red flags should give us a pause and a chance to reevaluate if a safe person to be around, or if this person is the right match, green flags propel us forward. While a red flag could be a partner never asks you about yourself, is controlling, makes you doubt yourself, or you find yourself not wanting to see them, a green flag is a blinking sign that says, keep going, you're on the right track!

The green flags, or signs, that a relationship has potential to last a long time are:

    • The relationship is adding to your life, not making it more stressful. For example, feeling excited and looking forward to seeing the person you are dating is a great sign you are interested and enjoy their company.

    • The person you are dating takes the time to ask you how you are doing, feeling, thinking etc. They do not spend the entirety of your time together speaking about themself, but are genuinely interested in knowing you as a person. They are a good listener.

    • The person you are dating has good friend potential. When we are dating someone, not only do we hope there will be romance or intimacy, but being caring, good friends to each other will pull the relationship through the hard times.

    • The person you are dating has other relationships in their life they care about. This demonstrates they know how to tend to a relationship. How do they talk about their exes? Are they vindicate and cruel, or do they express insight?

    • They tell you how they feel. There is no guessing game, drama, wondering, fretting, texting a million friends to analyze text messages... this is an adult relationship where two people earnestly want to know each other.