Pictured: Palm trees leaning over a clear, turquoise ocean with blue skies.
Amidst the hustle and bustle of daily life, vacation can be an opportune time for intimate connection with your partner – no chores, work deadlines, or other household distractions. Set yourself up for success on your next vacation with your partner by following these 5 keys I’ve gathered in my years as a sex therapist:
Plan ahead! A common myth among couples is that sex has to be spontaneous to be sexy. In reality, a little bit of planning goes a long way. Some couples may choose to book lodging with minimal shared walls if they feel self-conscious about being heard, or they may schedule a nice dinner with the potential for intimacy.
Have intimacy time earlier in the day. You may feel tired after sightseeing and taking in all the stimulation of a new place. Don’t save sex for the end of a long day when you’re both exhausted. Alternatively, plan for a siesta in the afternoon where you can relax, unplug, and connect intimately before evening activities.
Don’t overbook yourself. If you know your energy reserve may be spent on planned activities, plan less. Leave more room for downtime and spontaneous loving connection with your partner. When we are well rested, we may potentially feel more energy for our partners.
Relax! A relaxed and calm nervous system is the foundation for sex. When your nervous system feels safe and regulated, blood flow increases, arousal builds more naturally, and pleasure becomes more accessible.
Some couples feel immense pressure to have intimacy on vacation. Feeling pressured to have sex— even when the pressure is external, like “we should because we’re away”—can shut down arousal and create barriers to intimate connection. Consider if you are feeling like you should have sex because you’re on vacation and if that feels like pressure. If it does, keep sex as an open, playful and curious activity that may be on the menu of vacation activities, but not as something that must be done or else the vacation has failed expectations.