I was recently asked why so many women are smitten with the hit TV show Heated Rivalry and how that can translate into better real-life intimacy. As both a Heated Rivalry fan and a sex therapist, I became curious about the show’s positive reception from women, especially in regards to what the show got right about sex. Here is how I think Heated Rivalry captured the desire dynamics between the two main characters Ilya and Shane so effectively, and how it translates into women’s sexuality:
Anticipation and tension: Anticipation and tension are staples of eroticism and sexual desire—the coming and going, the will-they-won't-they, the push and pull. This is why many couples report that sex felt most exciting early in a relationship: there was anticipation in seeing one another, novelty in the object of desire, and uncertainty about whether the relationship would work. Heated Rivalry sustains this tension until the final episode.
Emotional safety and being truly wanted: Many women watching Heated Rivalry report a sense of ease rather than vigilance. They are not scanning the screen for consent violations, coercion, or sexual violence—elements that are often embedded, even subtly, in heterosexual romance plots. This creates a felt sense of emotional safety that allows viewers to relax into desire rather than brace against it.
Kindle desire – don’t set it ablaze: One of the biggest things men tend to misread about women's desire is the assumption that eroticism is about getting to sex as quickly as possible. For many women, desire is built on the way there. Tension, longing, anticipation, and playful uncertainty aren't extras—they're central to what makes sex feel exciting and wanted.
Consent is key: Ilya and Shane's extended sexting during long stretches apart, the flirtation and buildup before seeing each other again, even the playful exchange of hotel room numbers all function to keep desire alive. Sex doesn't come out of nowhere; it arrives after being slowly, intentionally cultivated. Just as important, the show pairs erotic tension with clear, ongoing consent. Condom use is explicit, and characters check in with each other during sex—simple questions like "Is this okay?" That combination of anticipation and emotional safety is deeply erotic for many women. It shows that consent doesn't kill desire; it creates the conditions for it.
